The Offering and the Binding

I was taught where harm begins Long before I knew its name Then a room I wanted warmth from Showed me how to carry blame I had folded every question Till the folding felt like peace I had learned the little silence That made kindness stay with me Then the ache became a doorway Then the doorway became clear And the thing I thought was shameful Was the reason I was here No one had to force me No one had to raise a hand They only gave the hurt a language And a safe place I could stand Oh, I could breathe When the charge had found me I could breathe When the room came near There was shelter in the sentence There was mercy in the frame I could breathe When I was named They said I was not broken I was listening at last I was close enough to history To be useful to the past And the guilt that used to frighten me Became a little light If I held it where they showed me I could make the room feel kind I had wanted to be empty I had wanted to be clean But they gave me something better They made meaning out of me Oh, I could breathe When the charge had found me I could breathe When the room came near There was shelter in the sentence There was mercy in the frame I could breathe When I was named You said the words in order And the room let you breathe If the name gave me breath Then the breath was not mine I brought my little silences I brought my careful face I brought the private hesitations I had hidden out of place I laid them in the open Where the room could see them shine And every small confession Made the room become kind So I learned to give before they asked I learned the proper ache I learned that if the warmth withdrew There was more of me to break Take my fear and make it useful Take my shame and make it sing Take the doubt before it hardens Take the hand that wants the ring I am open, I am ready I am grateful to be seen I will give the charge a body I will keep the sentence clean I wore the words in public I wore the lowered eyes I learned the bright humility That made suspicion quiet If guilt could make me legible Then guilt was not a chain It was proof that I was listening It was proof I could be changed And I loved the little tightening When the room approved the seam For the first time in my life I knew what goodness wanted me to mean Take my fear and make it useful Take my shame and make it sing Take the doubt before it hardens Take the hand that wants the ring I am open, I am ready I am grateful to be seen I will give the charge a body I will keep the sentence clean Not enough to feel it Not enough to know Not enough to carry If the carrying does not show Not enough to answer Not enough to ache Not enough to enter Unless something has to break You gave them your confession And called the purchase peace Hold me where the wound is true Now the room is in my body Now the frame is in my sleep I do not fear the binding I fear the open field There is mercy in the closing There is shelter in the line If I loosen from the sentence I am falling out of time So keep me near the charge Keep me near the name If I wander from the meaning Bring me back again Hold me closer Hold me clearer Keep me where the wound is true I am safer When I answer I am cleaner When I do I was scattered I was weather I was wrong and undefined Now the binding Knows my breathing Now the name is keeping time Every question has a fever Every silence has a cost Every kindness needs a border Every loose thing can be lost So I polish every mirror So I guard the little flame So I know which fear is holy So I know which fear is shame If I lose the shape of it I lose the shape of me So tighten every mercy Till it teaches me to breathe Hold me closer Hold me clearer Keep me where the wound is true I am safer When I answer I am cleaner When I do I was scattered I was weather I was wrong and undefined Now the binding Knows my breathing Now the name is keeping time No one had to chain me I brought the ribbon in No one had to claim me I asked to be kept within No one had to close it I called the closing care I had never been so certain I had never been less there Hold me closer Hold me clearer Keep me where the wound is true I am safer When I answer I am cleaner When I do I was scattered I was weather I was wrong and undefined Now the binding Knows my breathing Now the name is keeping time I could breathe when I was named Now the name Breathes me