Ledger of Guilt

Open the book Enter the stain Carry the debt And call it a name There was a place for every silence There was a line for every face There was a column for the comfort There was a box for borrowed grace We learned to count the air between us We learned to price the quiet room We learned that every clean refusal Had a history underneath it too And oh, the little lift When the balance came alive When the shame became a signal And the signal proved the light Write it in the ledger Make the balance sing Guilt is how we know you care Guilt is how you enter in Carry it correctly Hold it up with pride Every debt is evidence That you are on the righteous side Still clean? How convenient. Some guilt arrived by weather Some guilt arrived by blood Some guilt crossed the ocean And wore another country’s mud Some guilt came through silence Some guilt came through speech Some guilt lived in comfort Some guilt had to be reached So we widened out the measure So the measure could be kind Till every hand was holding What it had not meant to find And oh, the little joy When the charge began to spread When the room became a chorus And the chorus raised the dead Write it in the ledger Make the balance sing Guilt is how we know you care Guilt is how you enter in Carry it correctly Hold it up with pride Every debt is evidence That you are on the righteous side No debt? No history? Must be lovely Stamp the silence File the breath Price the comfort Name the debt Find the margin Mark the skin If they say they owe you nothing Teach them where the owing begins Count the leaving Count the stay Count the words they did not say Count the tired Count the late Count the ones who hesitate You don’t feel it yet? How brave. Then something moved beneath the numbers Something colder than the sum A wound appeared before the hurting A debt arrived before the done I watched the book become a hunger I watched the hunger learn to smile I watched a clean page tremble Like it wanted to be filed And oh, the little chill When the balance would not close When the guilt began to blossom Where no wound had ever grown Write it in the ledger Make the balance sing Guilt is how we know you care Guilt is how you enter in Carry it correctly Hold it up with pride Every debt is evidence That you are on the righteous side Write it in the ledger Let the numbers bloom Every new confession Makes another room Still nothing? Listen harder Open the book Enter the stain I saw the charge being made And I could not unsee the hand