Dispel Doubt

I saw the charge being made And I could not unsee the hand I put the thought away But the thought would not stay where it landed There was a heat behind the sentence There was a pulse inside the room There was a crack inside the answer And the answer cracked me too I said the words I knew by habit I kept the rhythm, kept the face But something moved beneath the ledger Like a debt without a place Not wrong, not yet Not doubt, not mine Just a little fever Underneath the line Dispel doubt Say the charm Keep your hands Where they can’t do harm Dispel doubt Hold the frame If the question burns Then call the burning shame Dispel doubt Keep it down If the room goes cold Do not make a sound You heard the crack inside it And called the sound your fault I watched the guilt arrive too early I watched the wound arrive too late I watched the book require a body Then teach the body what to hate I knew the proper explanation I knew the phrases, knew the turn But every time I tried to say them Something in my throat would burn Not fear, not yet Not proof, not clear Just the body learning What the mouth won’t hear Dispel doubt Say the charm Keep your hands Where they can’t do harm Dispel doubt Hold the frame If the question burns Then call the burning shame Dispel doubt Keep it down If the room goes cold Do not make a sound It was not the argument I feared It was the room going cold It was not the evidence I feared It was the hand leaving hold It was not the question by itself It was the cost of letting go It was not the truth I could not face It was the life I built below Still thinking? Careful. I counted every safer silence I rehearsed the warmer line I held the doubt beneath my tongue And smiled until it tasted right But the spell had started slipping Not broken, not undone Just loose enough to show me Where the knot had first begun Not free, not yet Not clean, not through Just the awful little mercy Of a thing becoming true Dispel doubt Say the charm Keep your hands Where they can’t do harm Dispel doubt Hold the frame If the question burns Then call the burning shame Dispel doubt Keep it down If the room goes cold Do not make a sound Dispel doubt Count to three If the spell stops working Do not look at me The charge could still be spoken The room could still be kind But I had seen it being made And the making stayed behind I put the thought away But the thought Would not obey