Lanyard Class Hero

Look sharp The clipboard’s learned to walk Lanyard class hero Badge round his throat Hands like wet biscuits Eyes like a quote Never built shit Never fixed fuck But he can stand near effort Till it looks like him Lanyard class hero Clipboard little king Never built a bloody thing But he can point the blame He can’t stop a leak But he can name the rain Can’t lift the load But he can brand the pain Can’t hear the engine Can’t smell the fault But he can write “key learning” Where the work got mauled He’s got a hard hat For the photo, not the site A hi-vis jacket And a spine made of foam He says “delivery” With his laptop clean Then asks the bloke with tools Why the world looks mean Lanyard class hero Laptop little lord The hands are in the car park The mouth is on the board He turns sweat into minutes Turns craft into mist Turns “done” into “captured” With a flick of the wrist Every job gets lighter When the worker gets cropped Every prick looks taller When the hands get chopped Pipe burst Floor gone Three men knew the valve One man knew the phrase Guess which little damp stain got promoted He calls you “resistant” When you say “that won’t fit” Calls you “too emotional” When you point at the shit Calls you “old culture” When you know where it breaks Then goes home exhausted From a day full of takes Badge for the mouth Chair for the fraud Slides for the wound Smile for the board Boots for the workers Tea for the liar Hands in the car park Mouth by the fire Lanyard class hero Clipboard little king Never built a bloody thing But he can point the blame Lanyard class hero Laptop little lord The hands are in the car park The mouth is on the board He didn’t steal the house Don’t flatter him He couldn’t lift a brick without a stakeholder map He just found the door code stood in front of the people who built it and said “we” until the camera believed him Now the toolbox is dirty And the lanyard is clean Now the man with the splinters Is “hard to convene” Now the mouth gets the budget The hands get replaced And the soft little king Gets a wage for his face Lanyard class hero Clipboard little king Never built a bloody thing But he can point the blame Lanyard class hero Laptop little lord The hands are in the car park The mouth is on the board For the polite brickwork, see "Building the House" For the unpaid invoice, see "What the House Owes" Bring gloves. He won’t